SOMETIMES

Well I'd like to get into a better habbit of writing in this journal. Things in my life have been so amazingly good recently. Heavenly Father has seen fit to give me so many blessings and so much peace and comfort and joy in this life. Did you know that Joseph smith said: "Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it..." ? This means that NOW while we are on earth passing our tests and trials, the point is for us to be happy! I am really trying to get to a place where I can be happy all of the time and I feel that I am really making strides. Ashley and I have expirienced a lot since I last wrote here in my bloggette journelette. We have seen some seriously sereene and powerfully peaceful times and we have expirienced some wrenchingly difficult and emotionally intense times. We have grown so much and come so far. I feel as though I have grown so much and come so far. Unfortunatley, at times, the process is pain, tears, blood, sweat, and the like, but it somehow ALWAYS ends up tottally worth it in the end - no matter how impossible and seriously lost it may seem in the prosses. I am greatful to our Father for letting me pass through what he has allowed me to pass through and I am confident that He will continue to teach me and hold me in his hands.

This weekend, Ash and I went to my brother's house up in sugar house and spent the weekend with his family. We stayed saturday night and went to church with them on sunday. It was really fun and I love seeing Ashley play with and bond with my neices. She is going to be a super-seriously good mom unit and I kind of want to have babies RIGHT now . . . but that step actually comes after the marriage thing, incase you didn't know that. Sometimes I have to review the steps too. It's okay.

This last week I almost went a whole entire week without going to the DARK SIDE (my code words for when I have an emotional issue that leads me into a noteably bad mood). I was really happy, beacuse my goal is to avoid those moods at all costs and become a man who never goes to the dark side. On friday after our dance test, I went to the darkside for like 45 minutes and then I went to work. While at work I decided that I really didn't want to spend the entire weekend feeling that way (which very easily could have happened) so I decided that I just wasn't upset anymore because missing those 2 days wouldn't have been worth it. What I was upset about really didn't get resolved, but it was nice to see that I could just let it go sometimes, even if it was a bit serious. The results were very positive and I hopet that I can use that just deciding technique more often.

I got a hair cut, as did Ashlington and I have to be honest. I'd love to have never have any opinion because often having an opinion steps on other people's toes. But I really do have an opinion and my opinion is that I like Ashley's hair longer. Right before she cut it, it was the perfect lenght. Oh man her hair is rediculous!!! But that's okay, she likes my hair a bit longer too. It's understandable. I like when we can be honest with eachother. In fact that's one thing that I have been really working on in my quest for confidence is the ability to feel a certain way and not feel that my feeling is a burden. I am allowed to feel some kinda way as is everyone else.

Recently Ashley and I had a semi-dangerous run in with our sexual feelings for eahother and made a really serious resolve to keep our rules and be careful with eachother. It was a really good expirience. December is coming soon (kind of) and we are really almost ready I think. I feel confident that if we will just fully cherish and respect eachother - life will be amazing!

BEING ENGAGED, by Andrew Beck

I really love it! It’s great! Saying goodbye at night is almost intolerable, but otherwise it is really fun. Planning the wedding and reception and honeymoon together has been really exciting and enjoytable. I have liked working together with Ashley on the details! It’s fun to be a team and learn how good we are at making descisions together (by the way I think we’re really good at it.) Today we had luch with newly married Rob and Kimberly Jepson – rob one of my closest friends from high-school. Also, Ben Alvarez and Josh Brown and his girlfriend were there. It was really fun to catch up with those boys and see them and learn about what they are up to and have Ashley be with all of us! She is so fun to be with. It is so neat that we really really really get eachother’s humor and understand each other so well. It is a great blessing from our heavenly father. Ashley is so wonderful. She is blessed with an incredible personality of compassion and humility and truth and honesty. She strengthens me in exactly the ways I need strength. Satan would have me look at our differences as a bad thing and tell me that they make us incompatable.. But what satan is trying to hide from my view, is that our differences are the one of the greatest compliments we have for eachother. Our differences create a great creative tension and strength of diversity. If I am weak in one area that Ashley is strong in, than as long as we remain one, WE are strong in that area. If we can remain connected and confidently One flesh, we can never be beaten!

This last week was a good week. By process of push and pull and up and down, Ashley and I grow closer everyday. I kind of have Christian Bale batman voice right now, because I am sick and my throat is really horse. Today, Debra Lowe called me and offered Ashley and I 1,000$ towards our honeymoon! Heck Yeah! So we’ve been talking about what cruise we want to go on! It is so cool to be such good friends with Ashley . . . As I trepidatiously let down my guard I find that I am rewarded, the more that I let us be friends.

Um . . . So I’m taking 2 psych classes, a dance class with Ashley (love it) and a French class and a Book of Mormon class. I have reresolved to try really hard and work really hard on my work. It’s also good to be working really hard on my work because it helps distract me from being engaged!

Had a great talk with my mom this morning for a bout 2 hours. Our relationship has become so wonderful over the last months. I really feel that we are friends and that we listen to eachother. I legitimately like spending time with her a lot. She is a great lady who is really giving and awesome and has her querks just like all the rest of us.

Sometimes I miss the Rodgers’.

MID-SEMESTER TIMES

Roller-coaster of emotions had a little come-back this week. But as always things got much better afterward. Ashley and I had one of those hard conversations, and I beleive it has truely strengthened us. I have been working really extra hard on school this week! It is interesting for me to see that if I want to be a serious student it takes A LOT of time! Life is really neat: School, love, work, love, homework, love, working out and love. It's a neat regimine. Sometimes I have so much to say untill I actually start writing and then I have nothing to say. . .