LIFE.com

Well I got an A on my first french test which is awesome! I have been playing yo yo with ashley, getting really close and then backing up really fast and then getting even closer and then getting scared and backing up really fast . . . and it's kind of getting rediculous. My mother and I went ring shopping this week and it was really fun. I went last week by myself for the first time and it was seriously enjoyable. It's starting to scare me when ashley treats me nonchalauntly and like I am old news. It is starting to scare me when she is more excited to see other people than me. I know these feelings are so selfish, but I am starting to feel . . . deep deep down, that maybe we want different things. I want a fairytale romance and she just wants someone to fill the role. That frightens me a lot. Of course in other moments I feel much more confident, but such is me. I am moving foward on faith, but FEAR is very very real.

Life is moving on. I wish i could take out sections of my brains and smash them on the ground. Examining my life I can tell that I am WAY overly sensitive and that when I look back on things that have gone by, I realize that I just need to calm down and not read situations SO DANG HARD! I know this is my mental challenge and I pray constantly for the support of the Lord. sometimes I feel that he has blessed me with these challenges just so I can realize that I need to rely on him in a serious way . . . I havn't quite learned yet.

Today Ashley came to my classes with me and seemed kind of apethetic. Then I tried to buy her lunch and she didn't want me to. Then someother things happened and I just wound up kind of feeling rejected overall so I went on a run and worked out - all the while praying that the lord would soften my heart. I need confidence and power and peace.