3 A.M.

I just got off the phone with Ashley . . . it is so enjoyable to talk to her for hours on end! Tonight she read me more of her journal, which I always enjoy a lot. I tryed somthing a bit different tonight and read her some of mine. This was a great expirience for me. It taught me that my levels of being comfortable with myself are really coming into a great place. Tonight as we talked and I read my doubtful, trepadatious, and tiptoeing comments in my journal, I realized something very important: There has been no use to being scared all these years. It has served no purpose. It is time to just live life with a big FAT smile on my face and beleive in myself and let what happens happen. Everyone is fallable and ugly and unloveable in moments - and people choose to love them anyway. I am just like everyone else, if not a little bit more loveable than average. . . So I am going to stop doubting myself right this minute! It's over! Doesn't it feel good to be free? Yes it does.

We talk so much. I told her tonight that our phone conversations are like you're favorite TV show. Can't miss it, love every second of it and can't wait to find out what happens next. Speaking of favorite TV shows, caught Grey's anatomy tonight - awesome! It made me really think about the value of life and how it can end at any moment! I feel like parts of that show really teach good and true principals. . . and then the lesbian couple were eating pizza in nothing but bed covers and then I remembered that Satan loves to get his fingers all mixed up in good messege sending media. Dang him!
The other night I cut my hair like a European Soccer player, I just shaved the sides of my hair off . . . just for fun. A lot of people have given me good feedback. Ashley seemed a bit warry of the idea untill I told her that it is kind of Beckhamesque - then she said she might really like it! My mom told me I look like a lamanite. Ha ha ha! Funny times!

I had band practice a few times this week with Ben Alvarez! I love playing music with him, it is like we have the same brain. We never really question eachother and we just gell like we're siamese twins with half the same brain. We are an awesome team. I miss Aurora. I wish we were a team like that again. Too bad. Today Ben asked me where my favorite place to go with Ashley is to eat and then he took me out to Costa Vida and payed for me. It was really nice. While we were practicing, Joh wolf approached us and made a really weird speach about how our rock and roll was threatening his personal peace and how others in the neigborhood were concerned. We decided it would've been better if he would have just said "hey could you guys close the garage doors?" old people are funny. When I am an older dad dude and there is a sucky garage band in my neighborhood, no matter how sucky, I am going to support them and let them know I think they are awesome for trying and being creative! Oh please let me never get so involved in my world that I think everything else is an obstruction of my squidward like stuffyness, oh please.

This past monday, I went over to my brother's work in SLC and they offered me the opportunity to make some videos for their company. It was cool to be offered a professional opportunity like that! Good! Another chance for me to learn to be reliable and resposible. Then I drove up to Logan utah and spent the night talking untill 7 a.m. with Rob Jepson about the girls we want to marry. It was extreemely enjoyable. It was cool to connect again, he is a great freind.
Well, my gainsville trip approaches and I have 2 more weeks to become the man that Ashley really deserves . . . not that I won't continue to work on him, I just feel like this is a great time to get some things ready, while she is away! I am greatful for the atonement of Jesus Christ that allows me to become AWESOMER every day! I am so greatful for Ashley who makes me feel safe and loved and able to become what I really have the potential to become! I think I'll go get a normal haircut tommorow!