CONFIDENCE

I was reading a journal from the end of high school the other night, and it was very interesting to say the least. Looking back and hearing the angry and upset words of that character, the me of the past, I had a hard time identifying with who he was. To me he seemed so negative, so inwardly focused, so sinacle and wrong. I always admired people who have been solidly themsleves their whole lives, like my Ashley, but I am not like that! I am so greatful to my heavenly father to see that I have changed so much! The atonement is a magic power that creates something out of nothing and makes somthing into something WAY better! The character that lives inside of me now is compleately different than the character than the character that exists in me now . . . it's almost difficult for me to reconcile the difference.
One major difference that I have noticed in them, is that one of them lacked confidence in a HUGE way! In reading his ranting and raving of self-doubt, I realized that I have no reason to not have confidence (side note: this has been a struggle for me, most of my life and I belive that I have really had a break through through this expirience with my highschool journal)! Everything he complained about seemed rediculous to me - and untrue to boot! I realized that behind his mask of fear and need, he was just fine. He was great and had SO much to be greatful for! It really helped me look at my situation and realize that I have permission to just let go compleately and finally of my self-consiousness. I am an awesome person and I am just like everyone else - in the best way possible. I am tottally acceptable and fit into this worlds sociality. Infact, I am above average and need not quesion myself any longer! What a wonderful thing for me!
Okay, sort of related . . . The other night, our ward had on opening social on in Kiwannas park. I recalled how Ashley told me the story of last years opening social and how she had just played football with the boys this time. In an effort to be more like her and to be more confident, I opted to play football with the boys. Of course my skill wasn't as honed as theirs . . . I haven't played football since like juniour high, but it was really fun! I loved running and guarding and rushing . . . I even scored a touchdown! YEAH! Then after that, I played soccer with some other people in the ward and scored a goal! I am really proud of myself. I bet I have what it takes in me to play sports, I have just run from them during my life because of fears and insecurities . . . which are now leaving me! LOOK OUT EVERYBODY!